Greetings, consumer.

Privacy policies are super boring but - according to our attorney - super important.

Here's the part where we tell you that your privacy is important to us.

It totally is! We collect information from our customers and users of this fine website as a result of normal business practices like "talking to humans on a telephone" and "actually responding to your emails" and "caring about your needs as an individual rather than a faceless sales metric."

We do not share your personal information - phone number, email address, dog's middle name, mailing address, etc. - except when necessary to manufacture and/or deliver purchased products. Purchase a sofa from us? We will provide the factory and delivery company with necessary information to, you know, get that sofa to your house.

Here are some ways we collect information and then use that information for the forces of good.

We send an email newsletter to those who subscribe to it. Those emails are delivered by a company that's very Fort Knox about their database. If you want to check out their privacy policy, you can do so here. If you don't love our highly entertaining newsletter, you can unsubscribe here. We might cry a little bit, but we'll get over losing you. Someday.

Because we like you - as a friend...nothing more...stop asking - we may engage with you on social networks. Those networks have their own terrifying privacy policies but, hey, we've already crossed that bridge. By the way, that cat video you posted was awesome.

Oh, and the comments section on this website is provided by Facebook. On the downside, it's Facebook. On the upside, there aren't a thousand comments about buying generic vee-one-agra to sort through. Plusses and minuses, people.

Here are some fun facts about (inedible) cookies.

We might occasionally place a little cookie on your computer. Cookies are used by our website robot - named RCD2, if you were curious - to remember whether you've saved any swatches into your request bag, favorited stuff, etc. Cookies are also used by our product and site searching robot - named Search3PO - to remember your search criteria. Without these cookies, he has the attention span of a caffeinated puppy. Our cookies are totally boring and contain just a random numeric code that relates to a secured and anonymous entry in our databaahhhhh man are you bored to death yet?

The cookies are not edible. We already asked Wikipedia about that and were told no.

As you browse this charming website, online ad networks we work with may place anonymous cookies on your computer, and use similar technologies, in order to understand your interests based on your (anonymous) online activities, and thus to tailor more relevant ads to you. If you do not wish to receive such tailored advertising, you can opt out of most companies that engage in such advertising. (This will not prevent you from seeing ads; the ads simply will not be delivered through these targeting methods.)

Boilerplate someone gave us.

What the heck does the above paragraph mean? It means that after visiting our site, you might see an ad for Roger + Chris on Facebook or on your favorite blog about sports / puppies / Channing Tatum gossip / political shouting matches. We don't know anything about which sites you visit. Our ad network is automagically showing you ads from us. We're helping support the sites you love to visit and, let's be honest: you're probably going to enjoy our ads more than those dumb mortgage refinancing ones.

Oh man, this is so long. Did you read it? No one's ever read a privacy policy before. You're our hero.